It’s dark, but I must continue. My
mind is obscure but my smile does not confirm it.
I live and that’s what matters right?
I walk the streets of Manhattan,
New York. To be more precise I walk Fulton Street.
Actually it seems like I will always…
Every morning I think of life not
mine; yours. It’s difficult to understand my own thoughts so I try to
comprehend yours, by looking into your eyes.
Don’t they say, “The eyes are the windows to the soul?”
Can you read my mind? Can you read my future or my past?
My soul can’t exactly obtain the
sweetness of this world but more vulnerably the darkness.
I had CHD, two years ago.
But I never went back to the medic’s after finding out.
So there’s a possibility I still have it.
Can’t you just say Wow?
But really is it my fault I didn’t handle it
the way most people do?
“Do you expect me to continue
living this way after being told that I’ll die in a few months?” I gently said.
“Khansir it’s up to you what you choose
to do but I know you and I know what you’re capable of. Bizarreness. It just
seems like the news has made you look at life in a cruel way.” Dante my partner
from the station said to me a few months ago.
My circle gets smaller not as in
friends but more as in my life, my world.
I should’ve considered what Dante meant but what else was
there to consider back then.
I mean I found out
news that hit me.
And it hit me hard,
harder than you would accept. The thought of my heart continuously pounding
kept me running at night. Just because I felt like something was taking over
me, something that has been.
My heart. I felt like I had a child living in my stomach not
that feeling of pain but that feeling of knowing something’s in you; living. I
had something eating second by second drinking my blood my heart.
Should I have been worried?
Hell Yea and I was.
There was one thing I never told Dante and that was that I
was alone in life with no one. Only my soul, heart and mind but soon my heart
silently vanishes and once that happened I wouldn’t have a thing because I’ll
be dead. Then what?
That’s how
I looked at things and it killed me to know that no one else new that. I wanted
someone to understand me. But how could someone understand someone that really
does not understand themselves yet.
Is that
possible?
Probably, but I dropped that way of thinking after I made
understandable to myself that ill die in a couple of months maybe even in a few
years. My days where counted so might as well make the best of it. That’s what
I thought to myself.
I didn’t go to the hospital again for then I would feel
lonely. Medication would not help. It might of but I struck through my theory,
medication would not help my problems nothing would but only myself I choose
to.
Could you simply understand that
once I had lost the courage to do anything I had simply lost it.
I wouldn’t gain it back. I worked in the CIA but I had to
let that go because me myself I had no courage to even keep on with my life. I
moved away from my only friend Dante and I escaped my life I moved here to the
Caribbean Sea.
It feels
so good to just breathe and exhale the smell of sand and sea salt water. Here I
think of life and about my mother and father the way they die. I had no feelings gained for them from the 10
years of being with them.
They were always busy they had no time for me so I felt as
if I lived alone. By the time they died from the plane crash I had already
gotten use to their absence. I made it to collage alone. With no one’s help,
and here I am alone in the sea.
Im 25 years old now and my life seems like it’s been stopped
like I’m living a dream.
I got a call last night it was from my partner Dante he said
they needed my help over at the CIA department. I had to be a spy agent for at
least a week or so.
I’ve been thinking about it, I think I’ll do it. I have to
capture the last mayor from Virginia he escaped with money, lots of it. I only
have to track him down, that’ll be easy.
I grab my
black sleek radiators. I put them on as my eyes squint to get a glance of the
sky. I choose to walk down the shore.
My feet
feel the cold sensation of the sand and seashells crumbled on the shore. I look
up to the sky and head down to the water the deep blue ocean that makes my eyes
intensely watery.
I walk and
walk… And walk.
I look down I touch my heart and sink into the sea.
Flashbacks of my parents my friends my life encounters my soul my brain.
My eyes sealed under water. I panic. I listen. Listen to the
stillness of my life. I like it.
An hour
later I find myself picking up the phone its Dante again and he wants to see
me, he was disappointed when I turned down the job.
My cold soul gave him the address and where exactly to find
me. I knew Dante had some type of feelings for thy. I also had those once,
before I found out the news. But it’s been two years now and I’m still alive
but I feel the same. This nightmare won’t end.
“Khansir?”
Dante howled.
“Where are you?”
A tanned familiar face lying on a
lovely mattress or was it just the fact that she made it look lovely. Eyes
sealed shut. Rosy lips unwrapped. A stillness that was unusual to just anyone. Robbins
egg blue, silk sheets wrapped Khansir. The breeze made them gently dance with
the air.
“Khansir?”
Dante asked.
He touched her palm.
Cold and heartless, that cold soul lifted and dragged itself
to the air. She was dead.
