very excited

Favorite movie so far this year - Love,Rosie. It is such a feel good movie my favorite kinds. Today im going to find a new job and have a different look at life. I am also going to dye my hair light brown i feel as though it brings out the best in me and makes me look and feel more alive. i just want to pamper  myself. But i really do thing it makes me feel and look brighter and happy. If it turns out to be a massive disaster i will simply dye it back to black. Life is so yellow and cheerful right now

It's Now 2015

It's now 2015 and though i thought i was somewhat lost back in 2012 when i was just peaking into my so they call "best years of my life" i find myself feeling even more lost today. But this time its a different kid of feeling. It has been a while since i've jotted my own thoughs down so i feel its best for me to make a list of what has been lingering in my mind. So here it goes...

1. I'm no longer in touch with my mind, how so? Well its not as simple as its perfectly written. My mind is working and its working just as it should but i no longer think for myself not in that way you might be thinking but i don't sit down and think about what my body wants and why it wants it and what my mind needs. My mind has been craving some of its own attention. I think im about to give it some right now maybe this is what it has been asking for.
2. I'm worried. I'm worried about the future but i do not show it. The only one i seem to speak to this about seems to be to my partner. It helps to make plans because these days it seems that the only way things get done is if its in your "In Basket". I've continued to grow that addiction of checking things of. It gives me a great feeling of satisfaction but also a rushing surge of anxiety which i don't like at all. All i can say about that is that its helpful. Speaking of getting things done that's another thing ive so greatly developed even further. Ive always been one to get things done when i propose myself to and ive done very much so over the past couple of years. I should write them down and give myself some recognition since I've learned that nobody else will give you that genuine appreciation that you could oh so give yourself. (Nashali you've accomplished so much these past years, you've gotten your licence, have gotten multiple jobs -so many needy people are unemployed yet you've had multiple jobs- , you've managed your money well, and you can handle yourself like most cant, in a very classy yet easy going way, my darling you have experienced your first heart break and you survived, darling your grandma battled breast cancer and she survived, how blessed are you, you've accomplished to take everything life has offered and God has brought upon you. You're parents are not only proud of the grades you've been earning and working hard for but of the great woman that you are. You've managed to meet someone with a similar outlook on life as you do a partner that's by your side because its fun too and impacts your life in great and positive ways. What more should you be appreciated for Nashali? Oh, darling there is so much more...
3. I've also learned quite a lot from the people i have met over the past couple of years. One being that what i had just previously mention; no one really wants to give a genuine anything now a days. I really don't understand why and i really haven't gotten the answer until today. I have come to the acceptation that most people now a days are too self centered and only care to strive and be better than everyone else rather than to strive and be themselves and or find themselves. And even when that is the case the trait still remains they are still oh so self centered and very much  not genuine. I'd like to remind us that it isn't easy at all to find ones true self and it really does take centuries before you feel confident of who you really are. But we are all in this journey together in which others might consider battles and others journey. There is this saying saying and it goes like this, "“There are basically two types of people in life. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.” – Mark Twain. Just so you know I've met these types of people and i hate the second group.
4. I don't know what i want to do in the future for the rest of my life. I really dont just want to do one thing for the rest of my life that sounds tragic i hate schedules (yet i need them to feel coordinated, to feel like i have my life together) im distancing from that kind of urge. Back to the topic i dont want to do just one thing for the rest of my life. I want to travel everywhere i want to know about everything that sparks an interest in me. I came across paths with my 7th grade history and oh boy that brought many memories. I told him i dont know what major to pursue and you know what he said, "oh don't worry about that, its okay its too soon" I felt some sort of compassion when those words breezed out of his mouth. I do get jealous of the many i have met that claim to know exactly what they want to do in life. I mean i wish i knew but there are too many things im passionate about and i can only choose one? 
5. I don't share my knowledge very much with everyone thats something i havent manged to change. It's not though i do it on purpose i just simply dont share it with just anybody. Only the ones a grow some kind of connection with and even they dont understand my capabilities sometimes i dont even know my capabilities which is great. It's always felt great that i really only know my capabilities until now. I see everyone showing their capabilities to friends and teachers and strangers and it comes off almost as if they are trying to prove something to others and thats just something ive never liked and i really dont think i ever will. Though i often feel like many think im just a dumb pretty chick because i dont take part in what i have just mentioned. It sucks but thats probably just me thinking that. I have to remember that the only person im trying to prove anything to is to myself i think others should do the same, thats just a suggestion.
6. Now lets talk about poverty and the riches. I guess im poor statistically since my family relies on that paycheck. And i guess we go about our lives living paycheck after paycheck. We always have money saved just in case of an emergency so that might make us middle class. But no considering all the riches in the world and all these levels of income im quite sure im still at the merging poor statues. I dont mind it at all though, we all live happy and grateful we even get to save money. We live paycheck after paycheck because honestly living is just too darn expensive. why pay for light i dont think Thomas Edison and Benjamin Franklin would appreacite the 1,000 of dollars that are spent monthly on light. I mean its not like the money is given to them anyways so im pretty sure they'd be upset. (i dont seem to make sense but it has some sense of humor to me lol) 

What's in La Makeup Bag

HOT MAMA! by the Balm

Voluminous Million Lashes by L'oreal
Cheater! by the Balm

Vanity Pallet by Wet n Wild

Studio Finish Concealer by MAC

Wet n Wild lipsticks
Sally Hansen Balm

Tampons by O.b
Black Scrunchy
Daisy by Marc Jacobs 

Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain by Revlon
Just Bitten Lip Stain by Revlon
Lip & Cheek Stain by the Balm

Brushes (limited edition) by Sonia Kashuk

Healthy Skin Enhancer by Neutrogena 

Hello everyone my name's Nashali but you can all call me Eli. Today's my first official post on this blog BlusherofWonders. Personally if Kim Kardashion pulled out a $3 E.L.F mascara that would leave me in shock and would have me wondering if i should try it because she uses it! I'm no celebrity but these products deserve some spotlight! Have a lovely night or day!

 Love, Eli

Short story

                                  

It’s dark, but I must continue. My mind is obscure but my smile does not confirm it.

I live and that’s what matters right?

I walk the streets of Manhattan, New York. To be more precise I walk Fulton Street.

Actually it seems like I will always…

Every morning I think of life not mine; yours. It’s difficult to understand my own thoughts so I try to comprehend yours, by looking into your eyes.

Don’t they say, “The eyes are the windows to the soul?” 

Can you read my mind? Can you read my future or my past?

My soul can’t exactly obtain the sweetness of this world but more vulnerably the darkness.

            

I had CHD, two years ago.

But I never went back to the medic’s after finding out. So there’s a possibility I still have it.

Can’t you just say Wow?

              But really is it my fault I didn’t handle it the way most people do?

“Do you expect me to continue living this way after being told that I’ll die in a few months?” I gently said.

“Khansir it’s up to you what you choose to do but I know you and I know what you’re capable of. Bizarreness. It just seems like the news has made you look at life in a cruel way.” Dante my partner from the station said to me a few months ago.

My circle gets smaller not as in friends but more as in my life, my world.

I should’ve considered what Dante meant but what else was there to consider back then.

 I mean I found out news that hit me.

 And it hit me hard, harder than you would accept. The thought of my heart continuously pounding kept me running at night. Just because I felt like something was taking over me, something that has been.

My heart. I felt like I had a child living in my stomach not that feeling of pain but that feeling of knowing something’s in you; living. I had something eating second by second drinking my blood my heart.

Should I have been worried?

Hell Yea and I was.

There was one thing I never told Dante and that was that I was alone in life with no one. Only my soul, heart and mind but soon my heart silently vanishes and once that happened I wouldn’t have a thing because I’ll be dead. Then what?

             That’s how I looked at things and it killed me to know that no one else new that. I wanted someone to understand me. But how could someone understand someone that really does not understand themselves yet.

             Is that possible?

Probably, but I dropped that way of thinking after I made understandable to myself that ill die in a couple of months maybe even in a few years. My days where counted so might as well make the best of it. That’s what I thought to myself.

I didn’t go to the hospital again for then I would feel lonely. Medication would not help. It might of but I struck through my theory, medication would not help my problems nothing would but only myself I choose to.

Could you simply understand that once I had lost the courage to do anything I had simply lost it.

I wouldn’t gain it back. I worked in the CIA but I had to let that go because me myself I had no courage to even keep on with my life. I moved away from my only friend Dante and I escaped my life I moved here to the Caribbean Sea.

             It feels so good to just breathe and exhale the smell of sand and sea salt water. Here I think of life and about my mother and father the way they die.  I had no feelings gained for them from the 10 years of being with them.

They were always busy they had no time for me so I felt as if I lived alone. By the time they died from the plane crash I had already gotten use to their absence. I made it to collage alone. With no one’s help, and here I am alone in the sea.

Im 25 years old now and my life seems like it’s been stopped like I’m living a dream.

I got a call last night it was from my partner Dante he said they needed my help over at the CIA department. I had to be a spy agent for at least a week or so.

I’ve been thinking about it, I think I’ll do it. I have to capture the last mayor from Virginia he escaped with money, lots of it. I only have to track him down, that’ll be easy.

             I grab my black sleek radiators. I put them on as my eyes squint to get a glance of the sky. I choose to walk down the shore.

             My feet feel the cold sensation of the sand and seashells crumbled on the shore. I look up to the sky and head down to the water the deep blue ocean that makes my eyes intensely watery.

             I walk and walk… And walk.

I look down I touch my heart and sink into the sea. Flashbacks of my parents my friends my life encounters my soul my brain.

My eyes sealed under water. I panic. I listen. Listen to the stillness of my life. I like it.

             An hour later I find myself picking up the phone its Dante again and he wants to see me, he was disappointed when I turned down the job.

My cold soul gave him the address and where exactly to find me. I knew Dante had some type of feelings for thy. I also had those once, before I found out the news. But it’s been two years now and I’m still alive but I feel the same. This nightmare won’t end.

             “Khansir?” Dante howled.

“Where are you?”

A tanned familiar face lying on a lovely mattress or was it just the fact that she made it look lovely. Eyes sealed shut. Rosy lips unwrapped. A stillness that was unusual to just anyone. Robbins egg blue, silk sheets wrapped Khansir. The breeze made them gently dance with the air.

             “Khansir?” Dante asked.

He touched her palm.

Cold and heartless, that cold soul lifted and dragged itself to the air. She was dead.

A Major Difference

I've realized every single thing my parents have done is reasonable and they do it for a  reason. Just yesterday on Sunday. It's like they've planned out everything from the beginning. They've always talked to each other at night i bet since they got married or since they first started dating. It might seem like its unreasonable or more unlikely for someone; their daughter to realize this. But I have and it sure makes me feel good. It makes me feel good to know that every moment of my life was always planned, or at least it ran threw my parents head, every major difference was just always planned. My mother and my father have always been reasonable or is it just the fact that ive noticed it.                                        


I guess I should let you in on how and when i noticed, right? Yesterday, Sunday. We were at my uncles house in Lowell. They just recently bought that home and to me and my sisters we've always wondered why they never bought one of their own here in the United States of America. It was always a question to us but to me it was never answered i bet my sisters already know but I had i needed clues. My parents have always had a plan in their tremendous insanely cluttered mind. But there just cant be a simple reason to why they've never fully settled here it takes more to a sentence to answer that simple but congratulatory question. It's more of the fact that taking life by it's seeds means taking life much more slowly than usual which also states in my mind that life really has its own pace to each and every different human. I mean what more could anyone ask for than a roof under our own heads.


Today I went to the Dentist I asked if I needed braces but really they answered my question by asking me as well i wondered to them about my teeth slightly moving to the left side which i haven't been liking. But they just told  me that it's all cosmetic it's not something Masshealth would cover because its something not needed more for cosmetic.

Reached thee Clímax

This world. It has its clímax. I just wanna touch your heart. Let me touch your heart. So many places i wanna go... I know loving you is a task. Take a hold your heart. If life could be so sweet i Had Love from you right from The start.

SUMMER COME!

A List

• Go to Paris
• Take a day to make time for a pharmacie shop in Paris.

What is and What is Not

Sometimes the way things turn out isn't much exactly how you planned. But what if you never planned? And what happens to you just happens to you, you just brush it off completely. What happens when you experience something and you don't brush it off and it doesn't go as you plan because in all reality you never even had a plan?

Well, i'm asking myself that question because I've hit that that boiling point and its not even the matter with being furious and pissed of at myself because you can see me and you'd honestly will not find something bothering me. But it annoys me. It's one of those problems that annoy me. That is it, very simple.

I've yet discovered much of this world and that really annoys the shit out of me. This year I've been looking at life as if i'm about to die within the next year or so. Have you ever experienced that point of view from a person? We'll here it is, My point of view of My life. My life is not tragic at all, whatsoever, there's not even thee slightest drop of water of tragic in my life, at least that's how I see it since i'm living it. So really if your willing to read this do not expect a typical troublesome teenager going threw puberty and complaining about not having big enough breast and a whopper of an ass and especially complaining about how sick she is of being treated the way she's been treated because I am not here to complain but I am here to explain My story and My point of view of the experiences I've yet come threw and am going threw. In more simple words I just don't want to expect pity that's not what i'm here for. I just want a reader a listener that is all.
~NR

Lost Journey