It's Now 2015

It's now 2015 and though i thought i was somewhat lost back in 2012 when i was just peaking into my so they call "best years of my life" i find myself feeling even more lost today. But this time its a different kid of feeling. It has been a while since i've jotted my own thoughs down so i feel its best for me to make a list of what has been lingering in my mind. So here it goes...

1. I'm no longer in touch with my mind, how so? Well its not as simple as its perfectly written. My mind is working and its working just as it should but i no longer think for myself not in that way you might be thinking but i don't sit down and think about what my body wants and why it wants it and what my mind needs. My mind has been craving some of its own attention. I think im about to give it some right now maybe this is what it has been asking for.
2. I'm worried. I'm worried about the future but i do not show it. The only one i seem to speak to this about seems to be to my partner. It helps to make plans because these days it seems that the only way things get done is if its in your "In Basket". I've continued to grow that addiction of checking things of. It gives me a great feeling of satisfaction but also a rushing surge of anxiety which i don't like at all. All i can say about that is that its helpful. Speaking of getting things done that's another thing ive so greatly developed even further. Ive always been one to get things done when i propose myself to and ive done very much so over the past couple of years. I should write them down and give myself some recognition since I've learned that nobody else will give you that genuine appreciation that you could oh so give yourself. (Nashali you've accomplished so much these past years, you've gotten your licence, have gotten multiple jobs -so many needy people are unemployed yet you've had multiple jobs- , you've managed your money well, and you can handle yourself like most cant, in a very classy yet easy going way, my darling you have experienced your first heart break and you survived, darling your grandma battled breast cancer and she survived, how blessed are you, you've accomplished to take everything life has offered and God has brought upon you. You're parents are not only proud of the grades you've been earning and working hard for but of the great woman that you are. You've managed to meet someone with a similar outlook on life as you do a partner that's by your side because its fun too and impacts your life in great and positive ways. What more should you be appreciated for Nashali? Oh, darling there is so much more...
3. I've also learned quite a lot from the people i have met over the past couple of years. One being that what i had just previously mention; no one really wants to give a genuine anything now a days. I really don't understand why and i really haven't gotten the answer until today. I have come to the acceptation that most people now a days are too self centered and only care to strive and be better than everyone else rather than to strive and be themselves and or find themselves. And even when that is the case the trait still remains they are still oh so self centered and very much  not genuine. I'd like to remind us that it isn't easy at all to find ones true self and it really does take centuries before you feel confident of who you really are. But we are all in this journey together in which others might consider battles and others journey. There is this saying saying and it goes like this, "“There are basically two types of people in life. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.” – Mark Twain. Just so you know I've met these types of people and i hate the second group.
4. I don't know what i want to do in the future for the rest of my life. I really dont just want to do one thing for the rest of my life that sounds tragic i hate schedules (yet i need them to feel coordinated, to feel like i have my life together) im distancing from that kind of urge. Back to the topic i dont want to do just one thing for the rest of my life. I want to travel everywhere i want to know about everything that sparks an interest in me. I came across paths with my 7th grade history and oh boy that brought many memories. I told him i dont know what major to pursue and you know what he said, "oh don't worry about that, its okay its too soon" I felt some sort of compassion when those words breezed out of his mouth. I do get jealous of the many i have met that claim to know exactly what they want to do in life. I mean i wish i knew but there are too many things im passionate about and i can only choose one? 
5. I don't share my knowledge very much with everyone thats something i havent manged to change. It's not though i do it on purpose i just simply dont share it with just anybody. Only the ones a grow some kind of connection with and even they dont understand my capabilities sometimes i dont even know my capabilities which is great. It's always felt great that i really only know my capabilities until now. I see everyone showing their capabilities to friends and teachers and strangers and it comes off almost as if they are trying to prove something to others and thats just something ive never liked and i really dont think i ever will. Though i often feel like many think im just a dumb pretty chick because i dont take part in what i have just mentioned. It sucks but thats probably just me thinking that. I have to remember that the only person im trying to prove anything to is to myself i think others should do the same, thats just a suggestion.
6. Now lets talk about poverty and the riches. I guess im poor statistically since my family relies on that paycheck. And i guess we go about our lives living paycheck after paycheck. We always have money saved just in case of an emergency so that might make us middle class. But no considering all the riches in the world and all these levels of income im quite sure im still at the merging poor statues. I dont mind it at all though, we all live happy and grateful we even get to save money. We live paycheck after paycheck because honestly living is just too darn expensive. why pay for light i dont think Thomas Edison and Benjamin Franklin would appreacite the 1,000 of dollars that are spent monthly on light. I mean its not like the money is given to them anyways so im pretty sure they'd be upset. (i dont seem to make sense but it has some sense of humor to me lol)